There are probably only about 5 things in this world that I hate more than insomnia, 4 of which safely fall under the “physical exertion” category. That said, I would be pretty okay with this whole greeting the sun every morning thing if it, maybe just once, entailed just a tiny bit of productivity. I have this awful, awful habit (right up there with assuming its okay to put red wine in a Starbuck's cup and going about my day, expecting my chihuahua to answer when I say “why you gotta be so cute?!” and donning sweatpants entirely too often) of pushing every troubling, anxious thought out of my head all day long. And then its 2 AM. And my roommates are asleep. And my puppy sighs and sasses me whenever I make the grave mistake of disturbing his peaceful sleep with so much as a cough. And then my troubling and anxious thoughts rise from the back of my brain into the forefront, where, for hours at a time, they marinate in “oh goddamnit” juice. Between the coulda-woulda-shoulda's, and the have-to's, I hardly even notice that the few birds crazy enough to still be in State College have started singing welcome songs to the sun.
Whoever it was that first suggested that “you can sleep when you're dead,” clearly never experienced 3 consecutive unintentional all-nighters sans coffee. (Wakefulness at that point, I'm pretty sure its safe to say, IS death.)
The thing about insomnia that most bums me out, though, has to be the lack of dreams. For how much over-analytical chaos I have running through my mind at any given minute of the day (example: are my eyebrows too thin? My nails are flimsy- hope thats not a warning sign of some weird vitamin deficiency. Do I even own vitamins? It doesn't matter, I have to set an alarm to remember to brush my teeth twice a day, I'd never remember to take a vitamin. Oh my god, I probably have a vitamin deficiency. Can't I just.... fix this with yoga? Ha, yoga. Jeeze, I probably can't even touch my toes at this point. I wonder if I look as out of shape as I feel. P90X tomorrow, for real this time. Or I could just go buy some vitamins. Yeah, definitely vitamins.) I think it helps my dreams increase their awesomeness factor exponentially.
My dreams range from being these abstract, nonsense, insane experiences to ones that seem so real that I've been known to shoot a text or two off in the morning confirming with my friends that no, they did not buy an Indian Elephant last night (even though I could have sworn-). And the best part about my dreams is that I remember almost every detail of every one of them (or so I think).
I've met a lot of people that have said they never remember any of their dreams and to put it frankly, that sucks. Dreaming, in my opinion, is equally if not more important than any experiences we may have in our waking lives.
I once heard of this study that concluded that sleep was a human necessity and at first thought “well, duh.” But in hearing more about it, I was pretty amazed. Scientists had actually found a way to recreate all the chemicals in the brain that naturally produce during sleep that allow you to wake up feeling recharged and rested— and thus assumingly replacing the physical and mental need for sleep altogether. But scientists were stunned when they found that humans still needed sleep to survive. I think of it as nature's way of affording us an escape from the realities of life that can be so overwhelmingly daunting at times. We are not only able, but physically and emotionally required to slip into another state of consciousness, which we are free to explore and imagine and, (for the few of us lucky and skilled enough to lucid dream,) create.
On that note, sleep well. Go everywhere tonight, from the comfort of your own bed. In the words of Mark Twain, “Explore, dream, discover.”
P.S. pictures of my loved ones sleeping always relax me and bring a smile to my face.
my puppy, Piccolo, snoozing in my palm.
my niece, Ashley, during a car ride to Maryland.
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